Softie
by GirlWithin
Summary: They say the day I married Hermione Granger was the day the great Draco Malfoy became soft. Oneshot


**Disclaimer: Star light, star bright. I wish on you tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might. Own JK Rowling's material tonight.**

**Summary: **They say the day I married Hermione Granger was the day the great Draco Malfoy became soft.

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**Softie**

They say the day I married Hermione Granger was the day the great Draco Malfoy became soft.

I beg to differ.

I, Draconis Xavier Malfoy will never turn soft.

I am not like some peach that gets bruised and smooshy after it's been dropped too many times.

I am a pineapple

Spiky and hard. But sweet on the inside.

For years I have held the title of scariest blonde in Hogwarts History and I shan't be giving that up _just_ because I am married to a lovely wife who means the world to me and have two amazing kids who make me feel giggly and happy inside.

See? No softness here.

I most definitely still enjoy making little kids cry –it's a favorite skill I've acquired over the years– (but if someone makes _my_ kids cry, well, let's just say I foresee mangled bloody bodies.)

I do _not _like Muggles (though I have stopped torturing them) and I still ardently believe that touching one will contaminate my flawless persona and eventually kill me.

Filthy squiggles.

With all these wondrous reasons, I just cannot comprehend why any Slytherin would doubt my ability to be a prat, prick, and bastard.

My poor misguided housemates. They worry too much.

Trust me, I'm an awful person. I mean, I sometimes try to be nice (women seem to like that) but it's so damn hard. You know, smiling takes much more energy than frowns, what with gravity weighing you down and all.

And don't forget to add some bonus points to my evil tally. I can pull up witty and self-esteem bashing comebacks within seconds. For example:

"_Watch it Ferret."_

"_You watch it…Weasel."_

There you go.

Concise.

Snappy.

Utterly brilliant.

My irritating qualities and annoying characteristics have overall corrupted my whole body. I don't suppose I can do anything nice anymore.

Though I hate to admit it, I even mushed up my marriage proposal to Granger.

**_Flashback…_**

"How if she says no? How if she slaps me again? We've only been going out for a year. Is that enough? Am I enough? What _is_ enough? What am I? Who am I? _Where_ am I?"

As you can see, Granger was the only one who could shake me up. (Although Moody ranks pretty high on my list as well.)

"Look Ferret. Much as we hate you, Hermione lo-lo-…ahem…lo-lo-…damnit…_loves_ you. So stop rambling and get out there. Maybe if you're lucky, I'll let you get close to the Snitch so Hermione can at least know she's not marrying a _total_ loser."

Gee Potty, so sweet and generous.

And there you go. My brilliant plan to get the girl of my dreams to marry me. Win the Quidditch game, show up Potter, and then suavely toss her the ring while I graciously sit atop my expensive broom.

Bird in the bag, my friend. Bird in the bag.

oooooooooo

"And it looks like Malfoy's seen something down on the ground. He's streaking down and…Oooo! Nasty bump there! Malfoy has been hit in the mouth by Cole's beater bat!"

Ow.

Taking a small time out, I flew down to the pitch and discreetly whipped out the small mirror I always carried around.

Oh shit.

My lip looked like the color of sick and was starting to swell to the size of a small melon.

Bravely, I mounted my broom again and wobbly flew back up. Turning my head towards the red and gold covered stands I was slightly encouraged when my girlfriend let go of her stuffy inhibitions and blew me a kiss.

She really is lovely looking in red, all sexy and slinky in that….

"Oooo! Seems like Malfoy hasn't recovered just yet from his blow. He's just run into one of the goalposts!"

Double ow.

Amid to laughter and catcalls, I once again flew back down to the ground to observe my now throbbing head.

Great. I now had a bump the size of small mountain in the middle of my forehead.

After Madam Hooch forced down a Pepper-Up potion down my throat I flew back up with only one thought. Must finish and propose.

Repeating this mantra throughout the game really didn't help that much. Actually, now that I think about it, I was terrible that day. My sight was blurry and I flew into at least half of the people up there.

But I did block one player so that the quaffle could be scored.

Need I mention that it was my own teammate?

The horrid game finally finished (Slytherin 20, Gryfinndor 160) and I eagerly flipped Potter off before heading over to the Gryfinndor stands.

Little bit by little bit, everyone grew silent and pensive as I neared my prey.

Pausing in front of Granger, I shouted out, "Hermione Granger, will you marry me?"

Well, that's what it sounded like in _my_ mind.

In reality I had shouted, "Hermoney Granner, wi you melly meh?"

Instead of eagerly acquiescing, she shot me a puzzled look and her eyes shifted nervously.

"Er, what was that Draco?"

"Wi you melly meh?"

"Melanin? The disease?"

"Nuh! Gah Dehnit! Fuh!" (translation: God damnit! Fuck!)

Finally giving up, I eloquently drew out the ring box and tossed it gracefully to her from afar.

Huh. I wish.

According to Potter. I aggressively tore the box out of my pocket and savagely chucked at Granger.

That just might explain the swelling on her forehead.

At least we match.

_**End Flashback…**_

To make a long story short. Granger agreed (after much ranting and yelling) and we shared our first kiss as an engaged couple in the Hospital Wing.

As you can see, I am a bastard in every single thing I do.

I even refused to believe my wife when she told me she was in labor. She actually had to threaten me to take her to St. Mungos.

And although I did tear up when my Charlene popped out, I am no softie.

I may be a bit of a pushover when it comes to my kids and a big jiggling piece of jello when Hermione is angry.

But I am no softie.

"Draco Xavier Malfoy! Get your butt in here and clean this mess up, NOW!"

"Yes, dear! Coming, love! Right away, sweetie!"

"……"

Damnit. I _am_ a softie.

But at least…I'm _her_ softie.

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Thanks everyone for reading this and if you can see...there's a pretty nifty button that allows you to submit reviews. I would totally love some feedback. Thanks lovies! 


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